


Lend me your hand and we will conquer them all.

by alexisabummer



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Drug Use, Fluff, Love, M/M, Self-Harm, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1776298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisabummer/pseuds/alexisabummer





	1. Chapter 1

So my name is Luke. And I live with my mom and her boyfriend Jane. Jane seems like a girly name but trust me don't mess with this guy. He lifts a shit ton of weights and we even have a weight room that I never even use but he does. All of my family knows that I'm gay and are okay with it. Jane is totally fine with it also. My mom is the one who told most of my family, even my dad. I didn't ask her to, she just did it behind my back. 

My mother and father divorced when I was 9 years old, just about 10. They actually decided to get a divorce two days before my birthday. It's okay though. They were in a bad crowd and my mom couldn't take it so she went to rehab for drug use. Meth, actually but she got busted with Valium. After she was out she wouldn't go out with my dad to get high anymore so he started beating her, and even sometimes me. 

She got fed up with it and left him. We moved into a apartment complex right across the street from the new school I was going to go to. After a year with her I moved in with my father, in 6th grade. Soon after that my mother got a boyfriend, Jane. My dad also got a new girlfriend, Ayla. She used to harm herself really badly, burning and cutting herself and she got her child taken away. 

Once my mom heard about Ayla she wouldn't let me go near my father, or Ayla. She made me move in with her. I had to sleep on a mattress on the floor until 7th grade when I finally got a bed and my own room, in Jane's house. Jane has bought all the new clothes I have and new shoes too, because my father uses most of his money on drugs. 

I love to wear skinny jeans, and band tees. I dye my hair a lot too. My mom only lets me if I help her do her hair too. I've become great at dying hair, not to brag or anything. I love to wear Converses and Vans.

I have plenty of friends. Mostly girls. Kiara is my closest friend, we only became friend a couple years ago but she means about everything to me. She was there for me when things weren't really looking up, and I can't thank her enough for that. She has long gingerish colored hair and she is really tall. Well not taller than me but still she is taller than most girls. She is drop dead gorgeous and loves the same music I do. Loghan is my other closest friend, she has the first friend I had when I moved to this school. I moved when my mom an dad split up. I was in 4th grade at the time. Loghan has a nice body and long brown hair. She loves to tell jokes and make people laugh. 

Kiara has been in a relationship with one if the two of my guy friends, my friend Calum for about a year. Loghan doesn't really trust guys anymore and I don't blame her. Michael is my second guy friend and be loves to change his hair. Trust me I do too.

I live to write songs and poems, my father started to teach me how to play guitar but I didn't finish learning before I moved out. So Jane taught me the rest of the way. I also know how to sing, oh well duh everyone does. But I am a great singer. I've been in the school choir since I moved here. 

I like punk rock, folk rock, alternative rock, and metal music. Favorite bands include, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, The xx, The Nbhd, alt-j, Mumford and Sons, Blink-182, and Nirvana. But I absolutely love to sing gospel in choir. I am a tenor, and I'm great. 

I totally suck with other classes though, not that I'm not smart enough it's that in to lazy to do my work that I fail classes. I am not really that art either but hey I could pass of I tried, I just don't try. I don't really care if I go nowhere in life. My mother always tells me I'm just like my father anyways.


	2. Chapter 2

So my name is Ashton, and I am 19. I just finished highs school last year and I am living in an apartment all by myself. 

My parents are happily divorced, and I haven't seen my father since I was really young.

I decided to find a job once I got out of high school, and I did. I have been working at Starbucks for about a year now. It helps me pay for rent, albums, clothes, and my phone bill. I love music. I was happy that when I moved in I didn't have any neighbors so I could bring my drum set, cajon, and bongos. 

I love all kinds of music. Well except for country, it makes me sick. I love Nirvana, and Foo Fighters. 

I'm bisexual and I am single. Tbh I prefer being a bottom but hey, whatever sails your ship.


	3. Chapter 3

Luke POV

So my mom just left to get my prescriptions. I have anxiety, bulimia, anorexia, and depression. Really I feel fine most of the time. As long as I haven't eaten to much. I haven't ever told anyone I take this medication, because I didn't see the point really. 

I always keep so much pain inside myself. I grasp my anger and loneliness and hold it in my chest. It has changed me into something I never meant to be. It has transformed me into a person I do not recognize; but I don't know how to let go. I don't want to be this way. I fight people. My vision is almost always blurry, or I'm always angry. I hit people, not even noticing it until its over and done with. 

I don't like the memories because the tears come easily, and once again I break my promise to myself for this day. It's a constant battle. A war between remembering and forgetting. 

Last year I fell in love with this boy. He was nice, and fair, and kind. But we went through a bad break up. And to be honest I don't think I am over him. He was great, he was blonde and loved rap and played with hearts. He was a great skateboarder and his smile made boys and girls drop their jaws. 

One day I grabbed him and asked him how I could make him happy and he looked at me and told me he'd be happy if I was happy and I tried so fucking hard to fix myself but he was gone before I could even smile. 

Did he think that because he touched me he knew me? Because he is just a boy and I have galaxies growing inside me. 

He still talks to me. Why?, I don't know. He flirts and I know he really doesn't want me anymore. I can tell. He doesn't look at me like he used to. I hate him.

My problem is that even when I hate him, I love him. And when I love him, oh god I love him. 

I want to be over him. 

I need to get him off my mind. I can't cry over him, again.

I grab my phone sending a text to my mom telling her that I'm going out and that I will be back soon. 

I pull on a hoodie and slip on my lakai shoes. I leave the house and slip into my car. 

I drive to the park. The park is always a good place to right song or poems. 

Quick decision, I make a U-turn and start driving to Starbucks. It's been forever since I had some.

Once I get there, I walk in and tell the barista my order and name. By the way this barista is hot as fuck. Like drop dead motherfucking gorgeous. After paying him I tell him to keep the change. He smiles and hands me the cup. 

I smile at him one last time and walk back to my car. Once I get back to me car and take a sip out of my cup. Right by where my name is written there's a phone number. 

 

Ash's POV

I met a boy today. He was beautiful. Perfect hair and a flawless face. A lip ring in his bottom lip. Then I saw it, the faintest scars on his wrist. I looked at him, he had a strong smile on his face. I didn't know his story and I didn't know what he was going through but the fact that he was standing in from of me. Still here, made him even more beautiful.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke's POV

 

We all forget how beautiful we are because maybe we only look closely in the mirror when we are searching for the wrong things, and maybe we forget that the lines around our eyes are formed from laughing, and maybe we forget that the lines around our mouths are just the memories of smiles, and maybe we really forget that there will be a person who will stare into your eyes and kiss our mouths and think that we are the most beautiful person alive.

The hardest part of thinking you are nothing is trying to convince yourself that you aren't. You look at your hands and don't see your veins as stems required to keep flowers alive. You look at your lips and don't see the galaxies you have placed under your tongue. You look at yourself and don't see the greatest tool an artist has. 

My ex told me once "tell me where it hurts and I will kiss it all better" but now, it's two and a half months later and where is he? When I am laying in bed, clutching my pillow like an anchor to this world, whispering "everywhere".

He is over me. I have seen his kiss many others. He even kissed my best friend Michael. Mikey pushed him off after a while, but I died a thousand deaths when I watched the two of them kiss. And in that moment I only hoped I had never made anybody feel like this. 

And, What's more deadly, a gun or a thought? A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger. I think to much, well that's what my doctor and mother say. Does that mean that if I had the gun, I wouldn't make it out? 

I need to talk to someone, anyone really. I grab my old Starbucks cup and type the number into my phone. I send a quick text say   
'Hey, sorry if you're asleep'. 

Ash's POV

I get a text from an unknown number. I reply   
"Oh I'm awake, it's no problem".   
He replies almost instantly saying,  
'Okay good, sorry I didn't text you earlier had to do some shit'.  
I text him back "So your name is Luke?", recalling from earlier in the day.  
'Yeah, what's your name?'  
"Ashton, but you can call me Ash"  
'Oh cool. So why are you up this late?'  
"I had a midday shift so I didn't get home until late and I'm not really not that tired what about you? Shouldn't you be in bed?"  
'I should do a lot of things but I don't'   
"Oh god, you're a bad boy then? (;"  
'I don't wanna brag or nothing but I talk back to teachers'  
"Oh no, someone call 911 there's a criminal on the loose"  
'Shhh don't tell anyone'  
"Oops sorry, lol"  
'So how old are you?'  
"A little over nineteen, how old are you?"  
'I'm going to 17 in a couple months'  
"So you're still in high school?"  
'Yeah two more years actually'  
"I'm sorry dude"  
'It gets me away from home so I'm okay with it'  
I look at the clock and it's 3.54 already.  
"You got school tomorrow so I'm gonna let you go, goodnight beautiful   
(;"  
'Awe okay, goodnight handsome (:'

 

Luke POV

 

Once I stopped texting Ashton I fell asleep.

I was woken up by my mom yelling down the stairs telling me to get my lazy ass out of bed. 

I get up and walk up the stairs up and to the shower. After my shower I pull of my towel and pull on some boxer briefs and climb back into bed an set an alarm for 19 minutes before I have to go to school. 

I live about 4 minutes from the school so I can pull on some pants and a shirt, and drive to school. I fall back to a dreamless sleep. 

I was awaken once again, so I open up my dresser and pull out a blink-182 shirt and black skinny jeans. I slip on the shirt and pants and pull on a pair of short socks. 

I grab my phone and shove it in my pocket and grab my backpack. I pull on a hoodie and slip my backpack onto my back. I slip on a black pair of Vans and call out, "Love you mom".

I slip into my car and I drive to school. Yay another day in Hell.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke's POV

"You dug yourself into a hallow grave  
And trying to fill you in gave me splinters  
You set yourself on fire  
And putting you out gave me blisters  
You told me to leave  
And watch you decay   
You told me you were broke,  
But my dear, (you made yourself that way)"  
I wrote.

I had just started writing a new song and I'm not getting very far. I put my song and poem book down.

It's always nice to right down shit I feel after a day in my shitty ass school.

It's not that I get bullied or dumb ass shit like that, I just hate most people.

People generally piss me off, I mean, you don't wear a camouflage shirt with camouflage pants when the camouflages aren't even the same colors. 

After spending so much time in the closet you learn how to excel in fashion choices.

Sometimes I give myself the creeps when I think shit like that. I just gotta embrace my inner gay I guess.

I just laughed out loud and my mom looked at me weird as she passed my door. 

I laugh even louder at the look on her face. 

Sometimes I think I should become a comedian but I would rather be singing in front of people rather than have them all laughing at me.

I made a poem about my best friend Kiara today, and reading it made her almost cry. I didn't mean for it to make her sad when she read it, I meant for her to know how truly wonderful she is.

Kiara's poem.

I met a girl once  
Who sighed and told me   
She was not lovely  
And it confused me  
That she could not see  
The sunlight through her scars.

She is lovely by the way.

My phone vibrate snapping me out of my thoughts, I put my book back down and grab my phone.

I look at the screen and I have a new text from Ashton. Oo la la.

He asked me if I want to go for a walk and then hang out around the park. 

Of course I text back a quick yes, and then start getting ready. 

I go to my washroom and brush my teeth, I brush my teeth everytime I go out. I just don't ever want anyone to catch me with bad breath. After I finish I fix my hair up a bit, and pull a beanie over it. 

After I finish up I set out on my way to the park, yelling to my mom that I am going out.


	6. Chapter 6

While on my way to see Ashton I think about my friends.

I think mostly about how much of an attention whore my friend Loghan is.

She cries bout how much her mom is unfair and how much she hates her. 

When really she has it great. I mean she just got a new iPhone and has the newest model of iPod. She has a MacBook Pro, and a 32" flatscreen hd tv. 

Then she has started cutting herself, but it's not even like cuts it's more like scratches and she doesn't ever cover them up. It's like she wants the attention.

And she is such a hypocrite too. Like when I was going through a tough time I went out and partied and got super drunk or high, and she would tell me what I was doing was wrong and how I needed to stop before I hurt myself.

But now she goes out and gets drunk, and hurts herself. And that's not the worst. She fucked this guy and when her mom found out she couldn't see him again. Which I totally agree with her mom because this guy is like 4 years older than her.

So that's when she started to "hurt" herself. And she never covered it up so of course her mom saw it. Then she her mom had a heart to heart talk and she is trying to get everyone's pity.

She isn't getting mine, because she really hasn't got it that bad.

___________________________

Once I see Ash I wave hello, and walk up to him.

He waves back and say a quick "hello"

I mumble back a soft "hi".

We start walking and we just talk about life. 

I ask him what it's like to be out of the his parents house, and how he like working at Starbucks.

He enjoys both, living alone and working.

He asks me what family life is like and how school was. 

I told him how we aren't a very tight knit family and about my parents divorce, not going into detail about the drugs and abuse. I tell him how most people piss me off and how I didn't do any work and that I would either drop out or flunk out of high school.

He asked what I would do once I dropped, or flunked out.

I tell him how I need to get a job to save up so I can make it to America, that I really want to be in Baltimore.

I ask what his home family is like, he tells me how he hasn't seen his father since the divorce almost 10 years ago.

That and we were about the same age when our parents were divorced, around 9 years old. 

_______________________

During our talk about life I saw a swing set, and so in the middle of a sentence I took of running towards it.

So we have been swinging and talking to each other for about a half hour.

I look at the time and notice it's about 7.45.

"I, um. I better head home you know for supper and family shit." I say.

"Maybe I could, I mean, c-can I join you? I mean we could j-just hang out around your house for a bit. I don't really have anything to do, y-you know?" He say, stuttering slightly. 

He is super cute.


	7. Chapter 7

Luke's POV 

I had just told Ashton my past that no one except for Kiara knew about. How I am hopeless and I'd rather die half the time than live this useless life.

"You tell me that you're hopeless, that you want your life less than your death, but if you jumped into a pool right now I know you'd hold your breath. So I know it's not hopeless but that your hope is just hard to find, and if I showed you all you can become I know you'd change your mind. You might have hit rock bottom but it's the prefect place to start, where the only thing that you hear is the beating of your heart. You have to almost lose it to remember what you've had, and that there's been a share of good times mixed in between the bad. So don't wait for the ending until your last breath starts to leave, before you finally remember how much you like to breathe." Ash says.

By the time he has finished his little speech I am sobbing ugly ass loud as fuck sobs.

I look up at his face, and I think, wow he really is beautiful.

He is like the deep beautiful veins in light skinned flowers. How unexplainably breathtaking he actually the is.

Then without even thinking of the consequences I kiss him.

I know, wow Luke you guys almost just met, but I just needed that feeling, you know when you kiss that person that made you feel worth something.

I never would have thought that he, this beautiful, flawless boy, would wrap his arms around me and kiss back.

And if someone was to ask me what home felt like I would say his arms, people expect you to say a place but I felt more at home in his two arms than I ever have in my own house.

Ash's POV 

I know this beautiful boy I front of me is broken. More than anyone I have ever met.

It's as if he was a vase, and his family just picked it up and smashed it upon the ground. After doing so they just swept up the pieces an placed them under the rug. 

Never had I wanted anything more than to fix the vase that was so carelessly forgotten.

"I am not very good at a lot of things;   
I cannot paint you pictures because the beautiful thing known as you in my head cannot be translated. Nor can I sing to you as my voice has an uncanny habit of falling flat. Nor can I play for you as my fingers fumble when my thoughts cross over to how you look, while watching me. But I can brush the knots out of your short blonde hair, and rub the knots out of your back when your day has become to much to bear. I am not good at much but I will be good to you. I know we've only just met, but I want you to be mine. Luke Hemmings, be my boyfriend?"


	8. Chapter 8

Luke's POV 

"Yes" I say.

I mean why shouldn't I say yes? He is cute and within the short time I've known him he has said some of the cutest things and made me incredibly happy.

So of course I say yes. No I do not believe that it's to early, isn't it more fun to go through and learn their flaws and quirks than to know all about them already?

So I say yes. His smile is toxic, and he has a stupid little giggle and his eyes twinkle when he talks to me. His hair always fall in a perfect sort of way, even after shaking his head. 

So I say yes.

 

Ashton's POV 

 

He said yes. 

He wasn't even hesitant. It was just a quick yes.

And I of course kiss him. Because I have to. I mean if I didn't I would probably ramble on about how cute he is. 

All I want to do is make this boy happy. I want him to know how lovely he is. How he doesn't ever, ever, ever need to hurt himself. 

How he is the perfect weight, and even though his bones are a very magnificent, and beautiful part of him. Even if they are the wonderful pieces that hold him together, being so skinny that you're able to see them isn't the way he should be.

So even if he used to keep a toothbrush in his bag, and excuse himself after every school lunch, he is still lovely. 

So even though he has such a small body, I want to love all of him. All of that small but so magnificently beautiful body.

Yes this boy is taller than me, but there is a very noticeable space between his legs. His arms are so small it looks as if you were to pull him a little too tight by one, they will snap in half. 

His cheek bones, and jawline are too sharp, it's as if though if you brush your hand across his face, you would lose all of your fingers.

So even though his eyes are sunken in, and his eyes are almost lifeless. And he has such large bags under his eyes it as if he has been hit multiple times and they are bruised from the hands of someone who didn't notice his beauty, but that is not the case. He is so tired that sleep has bruised his eyes. Trying to take over his body.

Even after all of his flaws I want to make him happy, and I want to be honest to him. And I really want to fuck him but that's besides the point. I just want him to be the best he can be.


	9. Chapter 9

Luke's POV

 

After a heated make out session and a little bit of groping Ashton has to leave, because its about 12.00.

So now Ashton knows where I live, and Ashton is now my boyfriend.

I feel a little bit too happy, you know what I'm saying?

Like jumping on the the bed and squealing like a little girl kind of happy.

A really hot guy, just asked me to be his boyfriend and then we made out on my bed.

 

___________________________

I am staying with my dad this weekend and recently we have actually been getting along so hopefully we get along this weekend.

His house is usually the only place I eat at. And when I do it's full almost all out bingeing on chocolate and cheese and ice cream. Then hating myself afterwords because why would I eat so much?

Then I will spend the rest of my week not eating or throwing up my food in the school bathroom.

But I keep doing it. Eating and eating and oh god does it feel great until I realize what I did and then it's like 'oh fuck, god I'm so stupid, why the fuck would I do that'.

 

__________________________

After the weekend with my dad I feel like shit. The only thing that kept me going was Ashton texting me and us being on the phone from 9.00 at night to 2.00 in the morning.

I feel so horrid. And fat, like I've gained twenty pounds. 

I didn't promise Ashton anything and I am happy he didn't make me. Because I didn't want to let him down.

I had just texted Ashton and told him that I was home, from my fathers house. 

I can't take the feeling anymore really.

So I grab my razor and walk to my bathroom. 

I pull of almost all of my clothes except for my Ethika boxer-briefs. Tight sexy black ones might I add.

I plug my iPhone into my speakers, and listen to my Blink-182 playlist.

I know I bitched about Loghan cutting, but hey I'm a hypocrite. And she did it in plain sight. I hide mine. I do it on the hips. No one sees them.

And hers are like paper cuts. Sometimes mine bleed so much I am scared I went too deep. And the waistband of my pants rub on them and they bleed and it sucks at school cause it bleed through and I have to skip.

I grab the razor and look at it. I just hate this thing so much but I love it too.

I put it against my right hip bone and push down. I push down until little beads of blood start to pool up around it then I push in a little but more and pull it about six inches across. I do it again and again and again until there is blood all over my legs and on the floor and my briefs are soaked in my blood.

Then my bathroom door opens and there is Ashton. I expect him to be repulsed and leave.

He just walks up to me, and right in front of me and falls to his knees.

He grabs the back of my legs and pulls my hip to right in front of his face.

Then he licks from the last cut up to the first. It tickles a little and it makes me smile even with the situation we are in.

God this boy is so weird.

"Ew, that's horrid Ash. You are so gross". I exclaim.

He looks up and smiles at me. He gets up and hugs me. He pulls away a little to kiss me. 

"Yeah but you love it" he says with a smile.


End file.
